23/24 Season Tickets

[lutleyyeltz]

A further missive from Gaz.

BREAKING NEWS!

Premier Global Sports are sad to announce the retirement of Dan Sweeney from football due to a career ending fractured ego. However, we are excited to reveal that we have managed to secure a deal with the Chop House "Flights" to play darts in the Colley Gate & Cradley
Northern Premier Central division 1 Thursday night league in a deal believed to be worth £17.50 over two years.
A PGS spokesman said, "we're delighted to get this deal done. It was touch and go at one point as an approach was made from Barry Hearn for Dan to play in the PDC Premier League. Also, the Lutley Oak "Arras" came in with an eleventh hour bid, but Dan wasn't prepared to uproot sticks after settling in the Tanhouse area."
Chop House supremo Column o' Fork had this to say, "this is a great signing for the Flights and fits in perfectly with our corporate branding. Our signature "Desperate Dan" pies are flying off the shelves"
When approached Dan exclaimed "no comment!"

[YeltzDoc]

Genius.

[lutleyyeltz]

From Gaz,

I am unable to report further on the Dan Sweeney saga as I have been issued with a court injunction. I am in receipt of a cease and desist letter from PGS. I hereby publicly apologise and admit that my musings may not have been entirely factual.

[Westyeltz]

From Gaz,

I am unable to report further on the Dan Sweeney saga as I have been issued with a court injunction. I am in receipt of a cease and desist letter from PGS. I hereby publicly apologise and admit that my musings may not have been entirely factual.

Somewhat disapointing, Gaz. Although with the sums of cash involved if I went down the back of our sofa I could probably cover your court case, barristers fees and fine with enough left over to have a few beers. £26.47 sound enough to you?

Although we do have a legal eagle in our midst but I'm not saying who to advise on such matters. You should be okay

[lutleyyeltz]

I have been appointed, albeit on a pro bono basis, to the position of Literary Agent for Gaz.
As and when his erudite comments are avaliable I shall publish them for everyone's delectation.
His latest outpouring of inside knowledge is fresh of the keyboard.

Honvedyeltz (formerly Gaz) musings is brought to you in association with Shatzburg & Freidman solicitors. Family friendly advocacy for the insanely stupid, where prosecution is only a supoena away.

From the Halesowen News.

HALESOWEN TOWN TO RAMP UP SECURITY AMID CROWD DISTURBANCE FEARS

We are led to believe that HTFC are drafting in additional security for their upcoming pre-season friendly clash against Gornal Athletic reserves. A PC PC from Halesowen chokey told us.
"In what is sure to be a powder keg atmosphere, Halesowen plod are to preempt any mis-doings by stationing officers outside the turnstiles. Supporters will be searched for any hidden expletives and/or offensive opinions. Those found in possession will be sent on a "subdued crowd" awareness course to be held at the War Memorial Correction Facility"
The PC PC went on to add.
"For some time now, we have had an undercover operative in place at the Jolly Crispin and intel suggests that upto 3 national express Gornal crew are planning to attend the game armed with an arsenal of explosive remarks and downright heinous anecdotes"
Crowd segregation will be in force, with a cordoned off block of 12 seats in the northeast end of the Harry Rudge stand made available to visiting supporters.
Dan Sweeney contacted the Halesowen news via PGS to say.
"In Dan's short tenure at The Grove he encountered no hostilities and request the public respect his privacy during this difficult transition into darts"
We contacted Halesowen co-owner Karen Brookes for comment, who had this to say.
"In terms of truthfulness this story is a load of old ****!"
N.B. apparently Halesowen Town have been promoted to the Northern something or other league.

[YeltzDoc]

[lutleyyeltz]

More from Gaz.


Due to a gagging order, and the threat of imminent incarceration to Broadmoor maximum security prison, our intrepid protagonist will henceforth be known as "Mr X."

PGS Statement.

With unprecedented success, snatching third place in the Arthur Atkinson Memorial Cup, it is felt by Mr X that there is little left to achieve "on the oche". We are proud to announce that Mr X has decided to tread the boards and enter the world of thespianism.
We can reveal that non-contract forms have been signed with the Cradley Community Centre Amateur Dramatic Society to take the lead role in the upcoming adaptation of hit 1970's cop show "The Sweeney."
Mr X will play Ronnie Reagan.
This comes after Mr X turned down an approach from the BBC to star in Eastenders. X was offered the role of non-speaking character "Chester Draws," set predominantly in Phil Mitchell's back bedroom.
Cradley casting director Ken Cockroach said "we're pleased to have X on board, his earlier portrayal of "simulation in the 18 yard box" and "feigning injury on the half way line" showed a solid foundation in what should be a promising career"

From the Colley Gate Tribune.
In what could be deemed an inauspicious start to X's acting career, we have learnt of Mr X's arrest in the early hours of Wednesday morning. A spokesman from Interplod told The Tribune; "a male in his late 20's was caught speeding along Bellevale in an unmarked brown Ford Granada with his head out of the window screaming "get the bastards George." Cries of "I'm one of you lot" failed to hold sway.
Despite a plea of diminished responsibility, Tanhouse Magistrates Court handed down a £180 fine, £20 victim surcharge and 3 penalty points.
The Tribune caught up with X outside the courthouse.
"We're absolutely delighted. 3 points in the bag, we move on."

[YeltzDoc]

Honestly.

https://twitter.com/spaldingunited/stat ... uLwiaA_KYA

[Rich]

Can pre ordered season tickets be collected at Tuesday's friendly??

[MichaelGrove]

I’d imagine so, that was the case for the game against Crewe Alexandra.